THE LAST DITCH

My beloved 'Mrs P.' has passed away. She died peacefully in the early hours of this morning. I was at her bedside, holding her hand and telling her for the last time in this life how much she is loved.

I cannot thank enough the staff at the Cromwell Hospital in London. They have taken great care of her since she was first diagnosed with cancer in December 2008. They were marvelous in the last few weeks. On Friday, they stood around her bed singing 'Happy Birthday' to Miss P the Elder. Mrs P's eyes lit up as they came in bearing an enormous cake made in the hospital kitchens. She ate a few crumbs, smiled at them and mumbled through heavy sedation 'I am very pleased'.

She was my wife of 31 years, my best friend of 37 and my chief counsellor in life. Her love of foreign languages and her curiosity about other cultures made my international career possible. She was a wonderful, instinctive mother to our two splendid daughters. She made every family occasion special. We will miss her more than I can possibly express.

We have been together since I was a boy of 17. She was the author of most of the good in my life. The road ahead seems very dark without her by my side.

R.I.P.

88 responses to “‘Mrs Paine’ – 1956-2011”

  1. johnny howson Avatar
    johnny howson

    So very sorry. Condolences

    Like

  2. Shades Avatar

    Our thoughts are with you all.

    Like

  3. MickC Avatar
    MickC

    Deepest condolences on your loss

    Like

  4. timbone Avatar
    timbone

    I don’t know you, but I am thinking about you, stay strong

    Like

  5. Ed P Avatar
    Ed P

    My sincere condolences. Having lost my wife similarly 4 years ago (when my two daughters were 16 & 22 and she was 55), I know how black everything looks at first. But, despite being a truism, it really does get easier with time. It’s the little, unexpected things that bring overwhelming rushes of emotion. I hope you will be positive and “count your blessings”.
    I found most friends were very supportive at first, but slowly distanced themselves, as it was too much for them to deal with. That hurt, but now, 4 years later, I understand better how others are frightened of strong feelings in others and cannot cope with them. If you would like to talk email me.

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  6. IanPJ Avatar
    IanPJ

    I can only offer my sincerest condolences, and add that my thoughts are with you.

    Like

  7. Kryten Avatar

    Please accept my deepest sympathy and heartfelt condolences on your loss.

    Like

  8. Paul Avatar
    Paul

    Sorry to hear this, Tom. You’ll be in my thoughts. I don’t comment here very often but this must be an appalling time for you.

    Like

  9. Subrosa Avatar

    Tom, what a moving tribute to your dear wife. My sincere sympathy for your loss.

    Like

  10. Piers W Avatar
    Piers W

    My most sincere condolences.
    You clearly shared a great life, I am sure your wife would want you to go on enjoying life whilst it lasts and I wish you all the best.
    Kind Regards
    Piers

    Like

  11. John Avatar
    John

    I’m so sorry. My condolences.

    Like

  12. Paul Buddery Avatar
    Paul Buddery

    Tom, I think it is wonderful that you have lived a life thus far so blessed with someone with whom you have been able to share such immense love. Your wonderful tribute means those of us who were not privileged to know her can admire her from afar and think ourselves the poorer that our paths did not meet. Though Mrs Paine is irreplaceable, I hope that life in the future is blessed in different ways.

    Like

  13. mumbles Avatar

    I also concur with what the (Not Rev)Spooner said. I am very sorry. The short tribute to your wife engages the heart with the enormity of your loss. My profound best wishes

    Like

  14. Phillip Downs Avatar
    Phillip Downs

    Tom, I am so very sorry for your loss. As an infrequent commenter I also echo what (Not Rev) Spooner says so well. May God bless you and comfort you and your family.

    Like

  15. David B. Wildgoose Avatar
    David B. Wildgoose

    I am sorry to hear this and can only offer my deepest condolences to you and your daughters.

    Like

  16. Suboptimal Planet Avatar

    Very sorry for your loss! I’m glad that she passed peacefully at the end, but I can only imagine what it would be like to lose someone so close.
    Stay strong, and know that we’re all thinking of you (even those of us who have never met you).

    Like

  17. Robert Edwards Avatar
    Robert Edwards

    My profound and heartfelt condolences. No little words of mine will make any difference, of course…

    Like

  18. Peter Whale Avatar
    Peter Whale

    Tom my heart and love go to you and your family.

    Like

  19. Moggsy Avatar
    Moggsy

    To love is to hazard your heart,
    there is always a price comes due.
    A price you pay when you part,
    cheaply bought, for such value.

    Like

  20. Dr_RohenKapur Avatar

    Very sorry to hear this. My condolences

    Like

  21. Devil's Kitchen Avatar

    Tom,
    I am so incredibly sorry to hear this: my heart-felt condolences.
    What can I say, other than if you ever want to share a few pints and talk, you know where to find me. Please don’t hesitate to drop me a line…
    DK

    Like

  22. BenSix Avatar

    Deepest sympathy to you and your family, Tom.

    Like

  23. Michael Avatar
    Michael

    Words are inadequate but they are all I have to express my sorrow on hearing this news. Your dear wife has passed to another place filled with love until the day you join her in the embrace of that Love that has no end. Please forgive me, but I offer a prayer for you, your family and the soul of your beloved wife.

    Like

  24. tomsmith Avatar
    tomsmith

    Very sorry Tom.

    Like

  25. Sean Avatar

    I suppose at times like this you feel a big part of you had passed away too. But when the tears and sadness subside a little and the clock has ticked on just enough, you will be able to close your eyes and look inside yourself and find that the love you had thought you had lost is living inside you. Love never dies.
    condolences.

    Like

  26. Diane Avatar
    Diane

    So sorry to hear about your loss. Lovely tribute to your best friend and wife. And I echo what everyone else has said. Hold those happy memories, they will see you through the dark hours.
    Take care,
    Diane

    Like

  27. Colin Campbell Avatar

    I felt like I knew a bit about your life, despite you blogging under a pseudonym. I hope that you can move on and my deepest sympathies. Take care and all the best.

    Like

  28. Single Acts of Tyranny Avatar
    Single Acts of Tyranny

    I am so very sorry.

    Like

  29. liz Avatar

    So very sorry. Such a tragedy for all your family.

    Like

  30. Stargazer Avatar
    Stargazer

    Tom,
    I know neither you nor your wife but if the kindness of strangers is any comfort, you have my condolences for your loss. The wheel turns and the circle of life continues but we achieve immortality through our children. Your wife lives on in them, so she will be with you always.

    Like

  31. ubermouth Avatar
    ubermouth

    I am so sad to read about your tragic loss, Tom.

    Like

  32. The Remittance Man Avatar

    My deepest condolences.

    Like

  33. Phil A Avatar

    Words seem useless and pointless when it comes to something like this. But how else can one offer condolences? It is to be hoped all these messages and the fact that people clearly took time and applied some thought to at least make some difference.

    Like

  34. Pub Philosopher Avatar
    Pub Philosopher

    That’s dreadful news! Very sorry to hear it.
    Look after yourselves and be kind to each other in the months ahead.
    My condolences to all of you.

    Like

  35. Charles_jsy Avatar

    Please accept my sincere condolences, also.
    I know too well how little solace words bring, but I hope you find some comfort among these many comments.
    I wish you and your family the best.

    Like

  36. Cascadian Avatar
    Cascadian

    Tom Paine,
    Your sad news has arrived in the colonies.
    I have walked the road you mention, and setting on to it in the early morning hours as you have, makes it seem very bleak and devoid of most of the comforts you are accustomed to. The road is best travelled with close family in the early days until your mind reaches an equilibrium of good thoughts to counter the despair. Eventually the burden becomes tolerable, and with time and reflection almost enjoyable. The good companion is missing, but her guidance will always remain, keep on that road and never falter.
    Travel well friend, and know you are thought of.
    Any expression of condolence I could make would be unequal to the task, I merely wish you well.

    Like

  37. OldSouth Avatar

    Deepest condolences. I cannot imagine life without my bride and best friend. May you be comforted in your loss by friends far and near.

    Like

  38. Blognor Regis Avatar

    Very sad. My condolences.

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Tom is a retired international lawyer. He was a partner in a City of London law firm and spent almost twenty years abroad serving clients from all over the world.

Returning to London on retirement in 2011, he was dismayed to discover how much liberty had been lost in the UK while he was away.

He’s a classical liberal (libertarian, if you must) who, like his illustrious namesake, considers that

“…government even in its best state is but a necessary evil; in its worst state an intolerable one.”

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