Worse and worst?

Published by Tom

December 3, 2009

New Details on Tiger's Prenup – The Daily Beast.

I am sorry to return to a subject that upsets my valued female readers, but I am interested to know how they react to the linked story.

It seems that Tiger Woods has been unfaithful to his wife. It is reported she is re-negotiating their pre-nuptial agreement so as (a) to receive more money than previously agreed in the event of divorce and (b) to receive an advance payment of $5 million in compensation for his behaviour. If these unconfirmed accounts were true, which behaviour would be worse? Of course it is not clear who made these financial proposals. Maybe they came from Mr Woods and his wife is secretly disgusted (but playing along to maximise her future divorce settlement). If so, how does that change your view?

Now some questions for male readers. How would you feel if your wife, in such circumstances, demanded money to remain your wife? And how would you feel about yourself, if you had offered your wife money to stay with you?

I am sure some readers will feel this is not a "normal" marriage. Paying large sums to his wife may be a good investment for Mr Woods if it means he can maintain his clean image and continue to derive a good income from Accenture and other sponsors. But there are children involved. What does it mean for them to grow up in a family based on a financial deal?

Finally, a question for everyone. How do we feel about the women who are now coming forward to describe their private liaisons with Mr Woods to the press?

For myself, if these accounts were true, I think I would feel more disgusted by Mr Woods. In his place as soon as money came into the equation, I would accept the marriage was over, take the image and financial consequences, initiate a divorce and do my best to protect my children. My main problem would be to handle – without bitterness – the realisation that I had loved a woman prepared to contemplate charging money for "forgiveness". And to deal with the realisation that, given the attitudes of the family courts, she would be bringing up my children without my influence.

Maybe, happy thought, that's the explanation? Would we all feel differently about Tiger Woods if it transpired that the reported bribes were to allow him to stay near his children and the "image" issue was incidental? How would we feel, under that hypothesis, about a mother renting access to her children?

13 responses to “Worse and worst?”

Peter Whale

December 3, 2009

Tiger is now a scratch player with a handicap.

LikeLike

Reply
Moggsy

December 3, 2009

OK demanding a renegotiating of prenuptial agreements? Come on… You make your prenup and you lie in it, so to speak. End of story… unless it is a tax thing you are both onboard with.
Should he give her a really, reeeeally, sorry prezzie? Oh yes! Big time. She has been humiliated, and it would have come out.. was coming out despite the car ‘accident’.
I can totally understand if she feels absolutely betrayed, let down. I could maybe understand if she kicked him out, I don’t know all the details.
Maybe if the prenup thing is being considered it is as more in the way of a new start… and amounts to an “I promise not to do it ever again”, especially if it came with renewal of vows. Maybe a much more believable promise if he is willing to put his money where his mouth is? If the idea came from him I might see it as evidence of his sincerity, even a romantic gesture.
Maybe in that situation I would agree it if it were me, not for the money really, more as a sign of commitment. I would probably want to fix things up if it were me.
Maybe you are seeing it from a hard boiled perspective? I am not saying she isn’t a gold digger, just there might be other ways of looking at it.
I would want us both to get checked out by the Doc as well to be safe.
If I were her I would wonder why he strayed. Maybe women throwing themselves at a guy for money/power who grew up normal would be real difficult for him to resist. I might think that. Worry some that he was not happy and why. If I might have some fault in it too for some reason.
As for any other girls involved.. well I think they should clam up and do the decent thing, but with the yellow press offering huge lumps of cash it might be difficult to keep that resolve. The party planner gil is denying all knowledge last I heard.
The thing is. I am not saying she chased him with a club and trashed his car as he tried to drive off you understand. But if she did it speaks of passion, love. If she didn’t care why react so passionately? Ring a lawyer instead maybe?
And he takes the hit for her, covers, protects and does practically a public confession. that is surely not just worry about his image?
Maybe a little bit of benefit of doubt for them?

LikeLike

Reply
jameshigham

December 3, 2009

Now some questions for male readers. How would you feel if your wife, in such circumstances, demanded money to remain your wife? And how would you feel about yourself, if you had offered your wife money to stay with you?
As a lawyer, Tom, do you have incontrovertible evidence that that is what he did? Pay her to be his wife?

LikeLike

Reply
JMB

December 3, 2009

I wonder if the truth of this matter is that the lawyers (sorry Tom) are the ones who are driving these so called financial renegotiations, the so called advisers. The principals may well have become pushed to the sidelines in this matter.
Tiger Inc. is a humongous enterprise and I am sure his team is doing all it can to protect that empire, as they see it should be done. No doubt she has expensive advisers of long standing on her side of the table too.
Maybe they want to continue together because they love each other and hard as that is to do even in an ordinary marriage after such revelations I can imagine the stresses in this situation.
A lot of what Moggs says makes sense to me too so I won’t repeat it.
The sad part for this family in turmoil at the moment is that it is all so very public.
I do find your last paragraph a rather interesting hypothesis. What made you even contemplate such thinking? I did not see that posited in the article unless I misread it. Denying access by the father to his children would indeed be hard hearted behaviour on the part any mother. But then these situations often bring out the worst in people as they nurse their hurt and their wounded pride. Linking the payment of money to such a situation would be crass but frankly I did not see that here.

LikeLike

Reply
Peter Whale

December 3, 2009

Tiger would have got off much lighter, but he told her “your grips wrong, your back swings too short and your follow through is non existent”

LikeLike

Reply
Moggsy

December 4, 2009

JMB has a really good point about the lawyers… and she highlights what was on my mind as to how much more difficult to fix things it must being in the glare of publicity.
Bad enough if your friends find out, let alone the whole world. Chipping in their two bits worth. “Do this” no “Do that”.
But I do wonder a bit the places your thought process takes you reading your post. “maximise her future divorce settlement”? Ew! Like it’s some sort of macho contest and his “joneses” aren’t quite big enough for you and she has no feeling, just a complicated spreadsheet.
Obviously it is not quite a “normal” marriage in that he is way famous, very successful and very rich. An aphrodisiac more powerful than Lynx aftershave even ^_^.
He looks ok, washes regularly, by the looks of things doesn’t hit you and is probably basically a nice guy. He is away a lot and going to get come-ons because of the latter. Those are not pressures on most marriages.
Not a normal marriage? So they can’t possibly have normal feelings do you mean? Like the gentry aren’t like the rest of us or something?

LikeLike

Reply
Tom Paine

December 4, 2009

If money were being discussed in this context, what else would it mean? If they don’t reach agreement on $5 million, then what?

LikeLike

Reply
Tom Paine

December 4, 2009

Blame the lawyers? That’s a cop out! The lawyers have to propose the hard-nosed limits of self-interest (or end up contributing to this enterprise’s revenues themselves). But no-one has to take advice that’s legally right, but morally wrong. These are not children, but intelligent adults.
If they are discussing financial terms to remain married, they are prostituting each other. The only situation I can conceive in which listening to financial negotiations for one second is appropriate in this context is the one I posited. i.e. that maybe he’s bribing her to stay because that means he gets to live in the same house with his children. That’s the pistol with which all loving fathers can be whipped because the law believes that the mother is more important.
When I was a young man I lived in a bedsit in a house full of divorced, broken men missing their children like hell. I watched them play with them in the park opposite on their custody visits, hopelessly out of the family context. I watched the kids, impatient to leave the weird situation, and the fathers recognising their impatience. It’s the last bastion of sexism and a source of endless pain.

LikeLike

Reply
Tom Paine

December 4, 2009

They can have normal feelings, of course. I can’t see where you get that from. Communication is the communicator’s responsibility so I guess I am at fault and apologise.
How do two people get to the stage where it’s “normal” to negotiate like this? And enough with the lawyer-bashing, that’s avoiding the issue.
You put your finger on the sad thought underneath my questions;
“…he is way famous, very successful and very rich. An aphrodisiac more powerful than Lynx aftershave…”
How can Tiger ever know he’s loved, if women really think that way? Maybe the answer to what went wrong in this marriage is that he had a terrible insight? Maybe he learned to use people, by being used?

LikeLike

Reply
Lord T

December 6, 2009

This is why more rich men are using prostitutes than ever before.
The difference between sex for money and sex without money is sex for money usually works out to be a lot cheaper in the long run.

LikeLike

Reply
Moggsy

December 7, 2009

LT, The really sad thing is I wonder if sometimes like that sex for money is more honest too. Who’s to say there isn’t affection even then?
Tom “if women really think that way?”. Don’t you look down.
A successful, rich, powerful man ticks all the boxes when it comes to a a prospective mates ability to provide. It is probably programmed in. Like… Best hunter, most furs, fittest, best genes, best provision, best chance to your children.
It does not mean there is no love or attraction.

LikeLike

Reply
Tom Paine

December 7, 2009

Maybe so, but – if the reports are correct – she’s negotiating for cash now. Presumably that means any “love or attraction” (for Mr Woods, as opposed to his wealth) is gone? Why would he put up with that? It shows no self-respect.

LikeLike

Reply
caucasiannation

December 30, 2009

I would tell her to have a nice life.

LikeLike

Reply