The Last Ditch by Tom Paine

The Osterley Times: Abbey Road 40th Anniversary – London.

There was much coverage yesterday of the 40th anniversary of the Beatles' Abbey Road album cover. In some ways it was a classic "silly season" story, but as can be seen from the linked post, many really wanted to celebrate. And why not? It's a great album and the cover picture is one of the most recognisable images ever made.

Two local councillors, however, feel that it's time to end the odd little North London tourist attraction. Both of them, sadly, are Conservative. They won their 15 seconds of Telegraph fame by calling for the iconic zebra crossing to be removed, claiming tourists cause accidents there. The annual rate has risen from 18 to 22 in the course of a single decade; none fatal. Of course nothing else has happened to the traffic in North London since 1999 which might possibly account for a whopping 22% increase in cuts and scratches.

I wonder if they have even heard of the post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy?

What is it about politics that attracts joyless, control-freaks? What hope for a freer, jollier, less dour British society if we simpy replace the nannyism of New Labour with the paternalism of the Tories? Will our politicians never learn to let it be?

Here, wearing the faces they keep in their jars by the door, are the Tory ladies in question.

Step forward, Councillors Judith Warner and Lindsey Hall.

Oh darlings, as loyal subjects of Her Majesty, is there no way we can
come together to bring the end to the golden slumbers of liberty in our
country? Don't you want to stop having to carry that weight of being a grouch and a busybody? I don't pay council tax in your wards so you may say
to me "You never give me your money", but nonetheless I want you to do
something for me. As a Tory national victory approaches – I want to cry
joyfully "here comes the sun", not feel I have to borrow Maxwell's
silver hammer to fend off mean Mr Mustard. Polythene Pam feels the same
way and she's your neighbour so does have a vote. You remember her. She
came in through the bathroom window last week when she locked herself
out. Anyway, here's the deal. I am tired of politicians endlessly
interfering in our fun and games. I want to feel like the Sun King in
my own country again. I don't want the tentacles of the state all over
me, as if I were living in an octopus's garden.

So, please don't be blue meanies again.