The Last Ditch by Tom Paine

UK Parliament – Allowances by MP.

I took a few moments to examine the claims of the MP for my "home town" in England. As a long-time expatriate, I lost my vote in the UK before I ever bought a house there, so she's not technically my MP. She's the nearest thing though and I have long known she is a waste of her wear on the green leather in the Commons. From this useful website, I can see she has only ever spoken to ask fawning questions of ministers, presumably planted by the whips. Each seems to have been rewarded with a ministerial word of praise or constituency visit, so she even had to be bribed for that. Perhaps she's just shy.

So many details of her expenses are blanked out that, if this is typical, there would have been no scandal without the leaks to the Daily Telegraph. She pays someone for secretarial services, but the name is blanked. It could be her husband, it could be her dog. She claims small amounts each month for "incidentals", which could be porn movies or pens. She seems to have a very healthy appetite, but there's really no way of telling if she is honest or not.

Politicalbetting.com describes this as "big bang" day for the expenses issue. They must be joking. Perhaps some MPs have been less liberal with the black masking, but if "mine" is anything to go by, this squib is decidedly moist. If it were not for the Daily Telegraph's chequebook journalism, it seems clear that we would never have discovered how many of our legislators are ethical degenerates and, in some cases, petty criminals. There would have been no resignations, no early retirements from politics. More even than to the Daily Telegraph, we owe all that to MPs' dilatoriness in preparing their expenses for publication. Had they complied in even this half-arsed way a lot sooner, the issue would have died.  If there is justice in the world, it seems that sloth is a more deadly sin than cupidity.

If  "my" MP is typical, all we will learn from comparing the official with the unofficial disclosure is just how careful they are to keep us in the dark – and just how aware they are of the sensitivity of the claims they pretend they thought proper. Do take a look at your MPs claims though. Perhaps you will learn more than I did.