The Last Ditch by Tom Paine

The Speaker's hands were trembling and his voice quavering. I wonder why. Though a professional politician of many years' standing, he was also reading closely from a prepared statement; his eyes never raised from the paper. I wonder why. He was even calling "Order" to a background of silence. Was that printed on his crib sheet too? His only impromptu moment was to sneer at the Opposition (at a moment when he would have been well-advised to be less partisan) that;

After quoting Erksine May, he stumbled as he confessed that his staff had blundered and promised that the police would never again be admitted without a warrant. He then proposed the classic delaying tactic of a committee to investigate the matter, the members of which he (hilariously) will select on the basis of parameters set out in a motion to be put forward by the very Executive whose actions are under question.

In short, as Mrs Paine contemptuously summed up the statement, "It wasn't me".

So, in the great traditions of his party, he dumped on his subordinates (hand-picked by himself in this instance) for whose actions he was vicariously responsible. He is a buffoon and a disgrace, but he serves one useful purpose. He is the shambling, dim-witted personification of the shabby mediocrity that is Labour.