The Last Ditch by Tom Paine

I didn’t plan to stay longer in New Orleans but I realised this morning that I was too exhausted to drive today. The Q and I have driven until dark and then drunk and talked into the early hours. it has been fun but there’s only so much a middle aged man can take; at least this one. Q seemed entirely undaunted. I shall be fine tomorrow after a good night’s sleep.

Q and I said our farewells over a lunch of gumbo and salad and then I saw him off in the direction of Florida. I took a short walk around Downtown New Orleans before returning to my hotel to catch a bus to an airboat tour. I have done something similar before with my family in the Everglades, but I wanted to see the Louisiana swamps.

Our captain, according to a droll local passing by on another boat is “as nutty as a squirrel turd”. This he proceeded to demonstrate by jumping into the water and playing with a 10-12 year old alligator, tempting it over with food and then tapping its head to get it to open its jaws. When eventually it became impatient and aggressive, he just knocked it away. When he’s not playing with alligators to amuse the tourists, he hunts them – catching and killing them with a three inch knife, commenting “I play with them a little first.” He gets paid by length apparently. Asked if it was good money, he said “It’s hard work for very little. If it paid well you wouldn’t see my fat ass on this boat.”

He seemed a tough, simple soul. He has been in this line of work since he was ten years old. He had a baby alligator in a tank on the boat to hand around for people to be photographed with, but said he would release it after our tour. He catches a fresh one every morning so the animals don’t suffer unduly. He alleged that in Florida such tour companies keep alligators long term, removing their teeth. The tour I went on with my family on the Everglades didn’t do that but maybe he’s right about other companies. I hope not.

I smiled at his advice to watch out for the snakes that hang in the trees. There are six poisonous varieties in the swamps, he said. “If one happens to fall in, I shall try to shoot it but if I miss – it’s everybody for his damn self, ’cause I don’t do snakes”. Having watched him toy fearlessly with an alligator, it was hard to believe that wasn’t just a joke. I don’t like snakes either, but I would rather deal with one than even a juvenile ‘gator. There is something particularly scary about a predator-free animal that knows no fear.

The tour was fun and a good way to get out into Louisiana’s natural beauty. I am glad I took the sunset tour as it was pleasantly cool by the end. I don’t mind heat, but I hate humidity.

Now I am going to turn in for a good nights’ sleep before a long drive to my first of two visits in this tour to the great state of Texas. Tomorrow, God willing, I shall sleep in Dallas. I shall be keeping a close eye on the weather though as tonight’s news is full of the damaging tornadoes that crossed my planned path today.