The Last Ditch by Tom Paine

Angela Rippon: I should be host of Top Gear – Telegraph.

Angela Rippon is a harmless "old bird" (her phrase, not mine, I would never have dared). But she believes in a disgusting modern fallacy, which is the very antithesis of fairness. A fallacy notably promoted by the woman who is fairness's worst enemy in Britain (because she wants to replace it with a system of corrupt quotas) – Harriet Harman. I defer to no-one in my feminism. My offspring are both female and anyone who tries to place improper obstacles in their career path should beware. Beware of them, mainly, formidable as the Misses Paine both are, but also of their aged father, should he be in range to contribute a helpful punch or sly trip.

It was sound feminist advocacy that opened Miss Paine the Elder's ancient college to women less than 30 years ago. It would not be feminism for her to have been admitted to fill a quota of women or marked more leniently than male students in her final exams (results due this week). If her status as a scholar (effectively a co-owner appointed on academic merit) were even partly due to her sex, she would be justifiably furious. No decent feminist should want my daughters or theirs insulted with quota opportunities. We feminists should want them to soar as far as their talents take them and no further. After all, we surely wouldn't want them as miserable as others whose ambition has outreached their abilities?

If men and women are truly equal before the law, then a woman can provide goods and services to a man just as well as to a woman and vice versa. The common idea (as indirectly expressed in "women and ethnic minorities are under-represented in Parliament") that only a black person can properly represent the interests of black people or that only a woman can properly represent women is every bit as offensive as Nick Griffin's similar ideas about other groups. In fact, damn it, they are not similar ideas. They are the very same.

Ms Rippon, national treasure though she may be, is a minor – if rather laughable – fascist. So is Harriet Harman. So is most of the British Left. And all without smart uniforms, punctual trains or adequate motorways by way of mitigation for their sins.

The left/liberal/Green obsession with interfering with Top Gear is instructive in so many ways. A business which has a successful product should be trying to understand its appeal, not destroy it. Top Gear makes so much money for the BBC that the corporation can't bring itself to cancel it, yet it cannot conceal its hatred for its successful child. Likewise the Government, though the programme represents one of few (can you think of any other?) profitable products of the British public sector. Pace Gauleiter Rippon, the viewing figures show that it appeals to women already. The women in my family love it, not because (sadly) they care about cars, but because (as one of them explained to me) "…there is nothing sexier than the sight of men [particularly the Hamster, apparently] enjoying being men…"

This makes sense to me. There is nothing sexier than the sight of women enjoying being women, which is nicely symmetrical. Even fair, if you like. So get lost Harriet. You too, Angela. If you want a job, drop the disgusting and dishonest special pleading and go explain to the producers why you would make the product even more successful. Or go pitch a better motoring show to a rival channel. Maybe you have what it takes, Angela, but I strongly suggest it is not where you are looking for it.